Fear!

Oh why do I fear so much. I tried not to fear, but I cannot help it. My fear is fear of failing. Of not having enough money, of my works that if I left it just for 1 week for vacation, it will go ashtray and I have to close my company. Fear of how I am going to think about how to make money to pay for my house's installment fee.

Oh GOD, help me. I need a total vacation where I can really have some peace of mind. Journey to the top is really one windy and lonely road in the middle of scorching darkness. No one understand you or even know about you.

Sometimes I feel like I want to throw everything away after having headache because of complaining customers, bad suppliers, annoying child, fear of all the above, wife, and many more. I work even during holiday. I feel like my life is no longer mine. I do not even have time to relax. That is why I developed insomnia. The fear of sleeping because I feel that I might miss something important if I go to sleep.

That is why I pray to GOD that he would just give me a heavy sleepy feeling every night. So heavy that I will not be awaken even if an earthquake happens. So heavy that I just fell asleep at any place just like a person losing his consciousness. Ignorance is really a bliss!

Forgive me for spewing my guts like this Lord. I wish at least some people would understand my situation even just a tiny bit so that they will at least be patient with me when I cannot perform as fast as they would expect me to.